June 28, 2026
Behind the Scenes of the Trace
We opened the hood on our famous orbital sweep. Spoiler: it is math, easing curves, and zero satellites.
Newsroom
Dispatches & updates
Press releases from the least serious tracking company on the internet.
May 30, 2026
A Note on Privacy: We Store Nothing
A short, sincere press release from a very silly product: your number stays in your browser, full stop.
April 15, 2026
The Most-Shared Gotcha of the Season
Group chats everywhere lit up as friends 'located' friends, then collapsed laughing at the reveal.
February 20, 2026
Named Prank of the Year
An entirely real-sounding committee handed us an entirely imaginary trophy. We are honoured and slightly suspicious.
November 10, 2025
Now Covering 240+ Countries
Our fictional coverage map now spans the globe, because pretending to locate nothing scales beautifully.
August 22, 2025
One Million 'Locates' and Counting
A million dramatic orbital sweeps, a million gotchas, and a grand total of zero phones actually located.
May 8, 2025
We Rebuilt Our Orbital Trace Engine
Version two of the trace is smoother, punchier, and still gloriously incapable of finding a single phone.
February 14, 2025
Live Sat Tracker Launches Public Beta
Mission Control is go for launch. The world's most honest fake satellite tracker is now open to everyone.